نویسنده: فاطمه توسلی

Everyone knows that in addition to interest, a number of other criteria must be considered to ensure the sweetness of their life together. Marriage is one of the most important decisions that is a turning point in the lives of girls and boys. A decision that, if made correctly and in principle, brings happiness to the individual, and if it is emotional and illogical, the situation is quite the opposite. All lucky girls and boys should test their readiness for marriage and work on getting to know each other.

Then it is time to examine the criteria of individuals. For example, one person may prioritize material status and another may rank it 10th. Note that this prioritization must be done regardless of the current suitor. Each person has a set of personal criteria, that is, things that are important to him. Apart from these, we must be careful to mention the basic criteria as well. You will read more about this below.

What exactly do the basic criteria mean?

Basic criteria are criteria that, in addition to personal criteria, each person must pay attention to. People then need to see if they meet the main criteria and what score they give to the other side in each criterion. If the person we are considering does not score high on the main criteria or our criteria differ significantly in terms of prioritization, this means an alarm for marriage. On average, a score between 6 and 7 out of 10 is good. It is best to define each criterion to make sure you have the same understanding of the criteria. If you are unsure about a criterion, your knowledge of that criterion is probably incomplete and you should take the time to learn more.

Appearance: Do not say it does not matter

If you are one of those people who believe that appearance does not matter, unfortunately you are wrong. If you don’t care about the other person’s appearance, it’s probably because you like his or her appearance. It is better to correct your opinion so that what does not matter to you in appearance. Eye and skin color may not be important to you, but height is an important criterion. Usually, the attractiveness of the face and body is important for men and the height and style are important for women. Be sure to rate the other person for height, type, skin color, and other issues that may be important to you.

If the person you are considering does not get a high score in terms of appearance, you should consider what is the rank of appearance in your priority list and what is the score of that person. High priority with a low score is dangerous, but it may not be a concern if your appearance is one of your low criteria and the person’s score is not too low.

As mentioned before, if you do not like your suitor in appearance and you are constantly faced with such sentences that the appearance becomes normal; See how many months have passed since you got to know each other. If it is a month, it may be normal, but if it has been six months and you still think it looks bad, it will never be normal!

 

About the age criterion that falls into this category; If the woman is older, it does not cause a problem by itself, but it should be noted that the woman likes to take control of everything, and this is the reason for marrying a man younger than herself? Is she a tyrant? Does it question the adequacy of the husband? Does the man have emotional maturity or is he looking for a mother in life? And what do the families think? The age difference between the ages of over 30 is no longer a very important criterion.

Family: Do not say that a person is different from his family

The fit of families is important in marriage. It is recommended that you choose someone who is as close to your family as possible when discussing marriage. Never think that a person is different from his or her family; This is a common mistake in marriage. Relationships within the family and how a person treats his or her family are points that should not be overlooked, because there is a possibility of repetition of these behaviors in your life.

Ethical: Discover the salient features

Is having a particular trait important to you (like being regular)? Is it important for you not to have a particular trait (stinginess)? Talk to your fiancé about your specific morals and ask about his or her obvious morals with himself or herself or those around him or her, such as close friends, or if he or she had a home as a student. One resource is never enough to judge. Get help from multiple sources.

Finance: Set expectations

If you have a specific expectation in this regard, state it. Do you want your spouse to have a fixed salary or do you consider it important to take risks? You need to talk about how much money to save and how much to spend. You have to talk to each other. Life priorities for spending and financial aid to others and even getting help from others must be raised.

Academic: State your ideas

If you expect a certain level of education from your spouse or have educational ideas for yourself, be sure to state it. Although education is not a perfect measure of a person’s level of understanding, it certainly has an effect.

این رازی است که اگر در رشد شخصیت یک نفر رعایت شود، می تواند او را خودکفا بار بیاورد، به شکلی که به هیچکس نیازی نداشته باشد، ماجرای دادن وام ازدواج به جوانان هم همین مصداق را پیدا می کند، وامی که برای افزایش ازدواج معنا و مفهومی ندارد. دلیل آن هم تلخ و گزنده است، یعنی تا زمانی که یک جوان شغل پایدار و امن نداشته باشد نمی تواند اقساط وامی را بدهد که نیم بیشتر حداقل حقوق او را لازم دارد.
جالب اینجاست که در این آشفته بازار اقتصادی عده ای اما به نوای رسیدن به این وام سر و دست می شکنند و به شکل صوری ازدواج می کنند. ازدواج هایی که با دادن آگهی در فضای مجازی شکل جدیدی به خود گرفته است و حالا با ازدواج‌هایی روبه‌رو هستیم که بیش از یک پیوند زناشویی به یک نوع معامله شبیه است! در همین رابطه محمد مهدی تندگویان، معاون امور جوانان وزارت ورزش و جوانان در گفت و گو با ایسنا با انتقاد از افزایش وام مربوط به ازدواج گفته :« بسیاری از متقاضیان وام ازدواج که در حال حاضر به بانک مراجعه می‌کنند درخواست رقم وام کمتری دارند چرا که قادر به پرداخت اقساط و باز پرداخت وام نیستند. در حال حاضر اقساط مربوط به وام ۳۰ میلیونی ازدواج تا یک میلیون تومان می‌رسد که جوانان باید بتوانند از پس این اقساط بر بیایند، افزایش وام ازدواج بیش از این مقدار منجر به مشکلاتی نظیر ازدواج صوری یا کودک همسری به دلیل مشکلات اقتصادی و فرهنگی خواهد شد».
این در حالی است که شرایط بد اقتصادی باعث شده که بانک ها زیر بار مشکلات نتوانند از پس دادن وام برآیند، از سویی دیگر وام گیرندگان هم با بازپرداخت وام و همچنین نبود ضامن برای گرفتن وامشان روبرو هستند. در این میان قانون تسهیل ازدواج هم با نواقصی که دارد نتوانسته آن طور که باید و شاید از پس افزایش ازدواج و تشکیل خانواده برآید.
نبود شغل مناسب و اشتغال پایدار برای جوانان، اجاره بهای زیاد و مشکلات مالی عدیده در زمینه تشکیل نهاد خانواده باعث شده که جوانان کمتر روی به ازدواج بیاورند. در این میان کسانی هستند که با افزایش وام راه دلالی و ازدواج صوری را یاد گرفته اند.
به گفته معاون امور جوانان وزارت ورزش و جوانان این قانون باید حتما بازنگری شود چرا که موضوعات آن بسیار کلی است و حتی زمانی که درآن به وظایف دولت اشاره شده، مشخص نیست که کدام نهاد و بخشی از دولت مسئول اجرای قانون هستند، از طرفی عدم تشکیل صندوق ذخیره‌ای بود که قرار بود توسط آن موضوعات مربوط به تسهیل ازدواج جوانان عملیاتی شود. و همین موضوعات عدم اجرای قانون مذکور را رقم زده است.
اگر به آمارها هم نقبی بزنیم متوجه می شویم که افزایش یا کاهش وام ازدواج نمی تواند به تحکیم نهاد خانواده و پایدار شدن ازدواج ها کمک کند. بر همین اساس میزان ازدواج‌های ثبت شده در سال ۹۷ در تهران حدود ۵۵۰ هزار مورد بوده که از این تعداد حدود ۴۸۶ هزار مورد مربوط به شهرها و حدود ۶۳ هزار مورد نیز مربوط به روستاها بود، آمار طلاق هم در سال ۹۷، ۱۸۵ هزار مورد بوده که حدود ۶۴ هزار مورد مربوط به جامعه شهری و حدود ۱۱ هزار مورد هم مربوط به جامعه روستایی بوده است.
به اعتقاد تندگویان بین این دو مسئله ارتباط معناداری وجود ندارد، چرا که نسبت ازدواج در بین واجدین شرایط برای ازدواج محاسبه اما طلاق به نسبت کل جمعیت متاهلان مقایسه می‌شود. به این ترتیب مقایسه این دو آمار درست نیست. با این وجود گفته می‌شود که به ازای هر سه ازدواج یک طلاق در کشور اتفاق می‌افتد و با وجود اینکه میزان وام ازدواج در سال ۹۸ نسبت به سال قبل افزایش داشته است اما شاهد تغییری در روند ثبت ازدواج نبوده‌ایم.
حالا اگر این ازدواج ها به خاطر وام هم بوده باشد چه بسا مشکلات جدی تری بوجود می آورد، چرا که ازدواج صوری از سر فرصت طلبی باشد یا ناچاری، پدیده‌ای به معنای دور زدن قوانین است و بر سنگینی مشکلات اجتماعی و اقتصادی جامعه می افزاید.

The first day when the boy returned from school, the father asked him: Son, tell me, let me see what you learned at school today.

The boy replied: Today we were told about the dangers of smoking and we discussed about it, the teacher read us a story book and we made a craft.

The father asked: Did you not study mathematics and science?

The boy said: no.

On the second day, when the boy returned from school, the father repeated his question. The boy replied: “Today we exercised for half a day, we learned how not to lose our self-confidence, and for the last class, they taught us that we should give part of our income to the government to spend on the development of cities and villages.”

After several days of the boy coming and going and explaining, the father started to become anxious, as he saw that in a week at school, his son spent little time on math, physics, science, and things that he thought were correct lessons. Since the father was worried that his son would grow poorly in these lessons, he told his son: “Son, from now on, do not go to school on Mondays so that I can work with you in mathematics and physics at home.”

Therefore, the boy did not go to school on Mondays. On the first Monday, they called from school to ask why their son had not come. They said he was sick. On the second Monday, they called again, and the parents again made an excuse. After a while, the school principal became suspicious and called the father to the school to talk to him.

When the father went to school, he tried again to make excuses, but the principal did not buy them. In the end, he inevitably told the truth. He said that he was concerned about his son’s academic progress and wondered why correct lessons were so underrepresented in Australian schools.

The manager was silent for a while after hearing the father’s words and then replied: We thought like you 50 years ago.

The definition of literacy is not just learning physics, chemistry and mathematics, but also a sense of responsibility and participation in the society affairs.

Life and socialization skills are necessary for everyone in a civil society, but physics and chemistry may work for a particular group.

In other words, evaluating and measuring the level of social wisdom of a society can be examined in the type of view and method of dealing with various crises that occur in that society.

A brief look at the corona crisis and the way people deal with it and other social events at the local, regional and national levels, shows that during crises that have a social dimension, the prevailing social atmosphere is often based on mistrust, emotion and emotion.

Indeed, why is irresponsibility, negligence, social irrationality or lack of wisdom, the main aspect of our confrontation with crises, events and social and public challenges?!

The concept of wisdom, means the method of analysis, reasoning and human behavior in crises and life processes. Leading psychological scientist Robert Sternberg defines literacy as the application of intelligence, creativity, and knowledge, mediated by values, to achieve benevolent goals. He considers wisdom as a personality trait that is obtained by combining three dimensions: cognitive, reflective and emotional.

The cognitive dimension is the effort and desire to know the truth and a deeper understanding of life. The contemplative dimension is the attempt to see phenomena from a different perspective without mental biases and projections, and the emotional dimension is the enjoyment of empathetic and compassionate love for others.

Given the country’s millions of graduates and students, it was expected that in the face of social events and crises such as the coronavirus, this educated population would inject rationality and literacy into various segments of society, reduce emotional conflicts and mistrust and try to analyze and manage the public mood logically and in order to control this crisis.

But with a quick glance at the social role of academics and the educated class in public spaces, crises and social issues, we encounter irresponsibility and perhaps chronic social illiteracy that not only do not send any rational currents to the general public. Rather, they themselves are the cause and spread of illiteracy and light, emotional, and erroneous analyzes to the society. This is something we see today in the face of Coronavirus.

Of course, it is not reasonable to expect wise views and attitudes from university graduates, because our universities have never taught literacy to anyone! If not, then why is there such an atmosphere in society?

When the main mission of the university for the student is to get a degree and for the university and the university officials is to be promoted, there is no opportunity left for teaching and learning the elements of wisdom and prudence. When we are only dealing with tuition and diploma issuance, then we have not even been able to teach our students the process of rational analysis of scientific issues and social crises in principle.

What is really the main mission of the university?  Just paying attention to producing degrees and unemployed and illiterate people? Or paying attention to social responsibilities? It seems that the most important and main mission of the university is to transfer social literacy and science to the society and increase its self-confidence. Has our educated class, which has a prestigious university degree, been able to overcome the challenge of facing the Coronavirus crisis safely with complete reasoning? Or do they attend the frequent weddings and funerals that take place these days and are still looking for an excuse to escape the challenge? Has our student really learned social literacy or just he can do Mathematics, chemistry, etc?!